WIPpet Wednesday: He’s More into You than You Thought

Happy Wednesday!  It’s been a productive week.  I wrote some stuff for an anonymous community I belong to, and the response was pretty overwhelmingly positive. (I’m not sharing it here; like I said, anonymous.  The whole point is to write free without people knowing who you are/having preconceived ideas.)  I’m always a little surprised when I get positive feedback because I am so critical of my own work.  I can go back through it and find dozens of little things I think I ought to fix.  Until I started writing seriously, I never considered myself a perfectionist.  Yeah.

I’m sticking with this novel for now, even thought it’s done with Beta Round 1, because my awesome betas suggested adding an entire scene in the last chapter.  Thankfully, I have my own “educational consultant” (aka, my husband).  He gave me an idea for a terrific plot twist.

Today’s WIPpet math is: 19 +14 x 2 = 66 sentences.  You get a nice, long section.  One of my betas said Dani is her favorite character.  Hopefully, this gives a bit of insight into who she is.

Vic said, “It’s an option for ‘failing’ schools. They don’t have to worry about the Department of Education breathing down their necks, so they can teach however the hell they want, and it makes money for them and all their investors. It’s a done deal, Dani. Phin told me everything when he showed up. He’s supposed to give the impression that he’s creating a ‘school improvement plan’”—he made air quotes—“but he’s really scoping things out to give the go-ahead on the charter.”

That confirmed Dani’s suspicion that there was a connection between NYSED and EduText, though she still couldn’t quite see how the pieces fit together. “I see.” Dani crossed her arms. “That doesn’t explain why you never told me what you knew.”

Vic looked up at her, his expression pleading. “He asked for my help.”

She stepped back a pace, feeling as though she’d been punched. “You agreed.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You know as well as I do that the school is in trouble. The state’s going to do something no matter what. By giving him what he wanted, I thought I could keep you out of it. All I told him was that you knew everything about the school because of your job.”

“You actually sent him to me to work me over like you just said he does with all his clients?” She gaped at him.

“No! I made him promise he’d leave you alone. He wanted to use you to get information on some of the staff. He told me he’d find someone else.”

“And I handed her to him on a silver platter. What if he’d used Gia like that? You know what she’s like. And Alex is already fighting his own feelings for him—I can see it whenever they’re within twenty feet of each other. You didn’t think to say something to me?”

“I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it would matter to you what I did.”

“You chose a liar with a dubious history over me.” She closed her eyes. “Over us.”

“Us?” He gestured between them. “There’s no us, Dani. You’ve made that clear. We never made a commitment to each other. For more than a year, you’ve been using me. I wanted him to get in, do his job, and get out so that I could move on. You think you’re the only one who’s been tired of waiting? I’m sick of waiting for you to figure your shit out and decide what you want.”

“What I want? Like you’re just an innocent bystander, right? I don’t recall you objecting to anything we’ve done. And now you’re ready to just move on?”

He sighed. “Yes. I can’t do this anymore. God knows, I’ve tried. I practically helped you raise Jake when his daddy died, but you keep shutting me out. I’m not your security blanket. You gotta move on, or I’ll do it without you. I’m not asking you to forget Jim, but I sure as hell can’t just be someone to keep you warm at night.” He snorted. “As if you’re even letting me that far in.”

“So, you thought if you helped Phin destroy the school, that would—what? Force me to choose you?” She glared at him. “You know you’ve lost that chance now, don’t you?” She stalked to the doorway. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Vic rising from his seat and reaching out his hand to her.

“Dani, wait. That’s not—”

She couldn’t listen anymore. Ignoring him, she continued to the front door and walked out, pulling it shut behind her. She heard Vic call her name once more, and she almost turned around. Instead, she retreated to the safety of her own home, refusing to acknowledge the sound of his voice.

Many thanks to K L Schwengel for hosting.  Don’t forget to read the other entries and add your own.  Happy writing, and I’ll see you next week!

Advertisements

11 thoughts on “WIPpet Wednesday: He’s More into You than You Thought

  1. This is fantastic Amy, a really charged, emotive encounter. I got a good sense of Amy’s anger and feeling of having been betrayed. Not having read the rest of the story (of course!!),it’s a little bit out of context for me, but it’s a great excerpt none the less, really exciting and full of tension. 🙂

    • Yeah, it was long enough that I didn’t provide context–the argument here is sort of the important part. Fortunately, this isn’t a very angsty story and they will work things out. 🙂

  2. This is a really intense section. I can feel for both characters here so it makes it kind of tough. I get Amy’s anger, her feeling of betrayal, but if she’s only been using Vic as he says, well…a very dynamic interchange.

  3. I get the feeling here that neither Dani nor Vic are getting to the root of the real issue they have with each other, but this is just making it worse for them both. 😦

    An anonymous writing group? Ooh! Like it… But how do you actually make a group anonymous?

    • Similar to blogging, but everyone uses a pseudonym. I actually started posting my writing there, as it felt much safer than being the actual me. I’m a lot more confident now. 🙂

      And I’m glad you picked up on that–they are talking past each other and they’re both afraid to confront the past. Fortunately, their argument is a catalyst for some real change.

      • Real change is good. Sorry it has to come at the cost of so much emotional pain, but if the characters didn’t feel it… where would the story be?

        As for the group… oh! I see. (Though, truth be told, almost anything posted online is easy to trace.)

        • Oh, absolutely. I think the point was to have the ability to share stuff without the baggage of going into it knowing each other. Obviously, we could easily track that, but the expectation is that we won’t. I find it’s easier to take criticism, actually, because it’s exclusively about the words on the page and not who I am as a person.

  4. When you said you wanted us to see why the character was so well like, I didn’t expect to read a scene like that. I was thinking like helping grandma across the street or her doing something chuckle worthy. That was a high emotion scene with lots of snap and crackle. It was freaking fantastic.

  5. As everyone else has already said, this is such a fantastic scene. Both characters make really great points, but at the same time it’s clear both have their issues and their bad points as well.

What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s