For the next four days, I have a series of ficlets inspired by this cartoon by David Hayward, aka NakedPastor. (I’m sorry, David. I hope you’ll forgive my silliness.) I played around with the concept a bit, but the general idea is the same. If the characters look familiar, it’s because I’ve written about all of them before–they’re part of my Loving Couples series, linked at the right.
Warning: The cartoon and the stories are definitely NSFW.
Some things will always be taboo if you ask the wrong person.
The only light in the room came from Chad’s phone. Al reached up and ran his hand lightly down Chad’s arm then slid closer, nuzzling his neck. Chad wriggled his shoulder, indicating his displeasure. Al made a frustrated noise and rolled over, elbowing Chad in the ribs.
“Hey!” Chad protested.
“You’re more married to that thing than you are to me,” Al groused. “Shut it off, will you?”
“I just have to—”
“No, you don’t.” Al snatched the phone away, and Chad reached for it. He was too slow. Al had already tossed it in the drawer of the bedside table, plunging the room into darkness.
Chad flipped on the light next to him and sat up, glaring at Al, arms crossed. “I was looking for an app.”
“And now you’re not. Besides, I have a better idea.” He winked.
“Mm. I’ll bet you do.” Losing some of his irritation, Chad leaned down to kiss Al.
Al put his fingers in the way to stop Chad. “Uh-uh. You’ll have to wait. Let me get it.”
Chad raised his eyebrows. “Get what?”
“This.” Al rolled sideways and reached down to pull out a long box. “It’s a game.”
“I thought so.” He opened the box and set the contents on the bed. There was a deck of cards, a timer, and something that looked like a buzzer. Al slit open the pack of cards and handed it to Chad.
As he read through the cards, Chad’s eyes widened. “Well, this is…interesting. Not sure all of these are exactly appropriate for us, though. Where did you say you bought this?”
“It was a free gift at that conference last week.” Al shrugged. “We can modify some of them. I think there might be better ones toward the back of the deck. It did say it was for any couple.”
“I see. Were they going for ‘something for everyone’?” He sifted through the cards. “Yeah, I’m not seeing much. Oh, well. At least it was free.”
“Like I said, we can modify.”
Chad huffed. “Like most of the rest of our lives,” he muttered. He was starting to see a pattern. “How do you play, anyway?”
Al looked in the box. “I don’t see any instructions.” He snorted. “Like we need them. I suppose we basically just play it however we want to—you know, pick a card and do what it says. Or a weird version of truth or dare, maybe.” He plucked a card from the deck. “This looks good.” He showed it to Chad.
“Yeah, I would do that.” He frowned. “Probably not in that position, though.” He smirked at Al before drawing him closer.
Just as things were getting interesting, an obnoxiously loud buzzing filled the room. Both men jumped and sprang apart, looking first at each other then down at the buzzer.
“Sorry. Must’ve rolled on it,” Al said apologetically.
They tried again, and the same thing happened. Huffing, Chad grabbed the buzzer and flipped it over. “There’s no battery compartment.”
“Just put it in the other room, then. I don’t want that thing going off all night.”
Chad held the buzzer for a moment, thinking. “Wait a sec. Let me try something.” He set the buzzer on the bed before he leaned over and kissed Al, who responded enthusiastically. Chad slid his hand over his husband’s shoulder, across his chest, and down—
Groaning, Chad flopped onto his back. “Give me the box, please.”
“Uh, sure. Why?” Al handed over the box.
“I want to see who produced this thing.” He examined the bottom of the box. “Al! You complete turducken. What were you thinking?” He swatted Al in the arm.
“Turducken?” Al laughed. “That’s a new one. What’s the problem?”
“Look at the makers.” He showed Al the mark. “So that means…”
“…the damn buzzer really is going to go off all night, no matter what we do. ‘For every couple’ my ass.”
“Exactly!” Chad snickered. “Just put it back in the box. At least it won’t be as loud.”
The scooped everything into the box, and Al shoved it back under the bed. He turned over to face Chad. “I don’t want to completely waste our night.”
Chad grinned. “Me, neither.”
They reached for each other, resulting in many distracting minutes during which they failed to hear the buzzer screeching with angry desperation from inside the box under the bed.